I feel like I’m in limbo, and it’s really weighing on me. Fair warning: I try not to bitch and moan too much here, ’cause we all hear plenty of that elsewhere. I’m making an exception today since I’m so miserable.
Last week, I saw a new internist. The appointment went well, and I left feeling very positive about working with this doctor as a partner. I had prepped for this appointment by spending some time writing down major milestones in my medical history, like surgeries, onset of any sort of physical symptoms, etc. We used this during our conversation and it ended up being very helpful as we looked for patterns and put together a game plan for how to get me feeling better. However, I still had to get some blood tests, and this is why I am in a state of suspended animation now; until we get the labs and diagnostic tests over with, we’re sort of not sure what to be doing right now.
The B-12 situation is one thing that needs to be followed. I had lab orders from the allergist to get those tests run about 5 days after my last B-12 injection. So, I had that blood draw done last Friday. And I’m still waiting for the results.
The internist wants to dig a little deeper around the B-12 situation. She wrote orders for antibody tests for intrinsic factor (yep, that’s what it’s really called) and antiparietal cell antibodies. If I have either of these antibodies present, I have pernicious anemia and will have to take sublingual or injection B-12 regularly.
The other course of action we are taking is testing for thyroid antibodies, to see if my body is trying to destroy my own thyroid: in other words, if I have an autoimmune thyroid disease (Hashimoto’s disease). I have many of the symptoms of hypothyroidism — unexplained weight gain, joint pain and stiffness, fatigue, moodiness, trouble concentrating — and the previous thyroid function tests were either borderline hypothyroid, or on the low end of functioning. With the exception of the weight gain and join pain, the symptoms above could also be due to the B-12 deficiency, however there’s no reason why I can’t have both going on at the same time.
I’m also recording my early morning body temp. First thing in the morning, before I even really rouse or get up, I stick the electronic thermometer in my mouth to take my temp. The internist wants me to do this for an entire month to see if my my body temp averages below 98 degrees. I told her that would be no problem, as even when I am up and about and active my body temp is never as high as 98. So far, the highest my morning temp has been is 97.7. Today it was 97.0 and a couple days ago it was 96.4.
So, all of this busy work to find out exactly what is wrong is good. But I’m still miserable. The past week has been a bad one. I ache a lot. I am tired, tired, tired; I have barely enough energy to get through the day and my home time is spent mainly laying down with a book (’cause that’s all I have the energy for) or sleeping.
I did go to the gym twice this week to work out with the trainer, and have been wiped out in the process. Yesterday I barely made it through the workout; I was getting dizzy and light-headed just doing squats with no weights. Afterward, I spent most of the day in a fog and went to bed at 8:30 (and this was after having taken a nap from 5:30 to 7 PM).
I just want to cry half the time because I am so frustrated and miserable. I end up spending most of my precious energy on work (and not even work that I feel is done well), leaving me with none for my personal life. The weather this week has been perfect for outdoor activities (low humidity, pleasant temps), but I barely get to enjoy it. I struggled this morning just to get up and water the veggie garden, which desperately needed it. I want to be out in the yard every day after work tending to my garden: weeding, pruning, dead-heading, etc. I love doing this stuff. But I just don’t have the energy right now. Nor do I even have the energy to sit up and knit in the evenings.
I’m going to get through this and find a way to make it better. I know I will. In the meantime, though…well, it’s rough…that’s all I can say.