Yet another week

I stumbled through last week and then spent another weekend hanging around the house a lot. I’ve been really tired and lacking in energy lately, so taking naps has become an important part of my weekend.

Saturday morning I managed to make it to the local farmers market to fulfill my volunteer commitment with a local animal rescue charity. Then on Sunday I took Hannah dog out for a walk at a local park and ran a couple of errands.

One of the errands was a visit to store to get some furnishings for the extra bedroom. I took my old neighbor and friend along to get her out of the house for a bit. (She’s reovering from a hip replacement.) I kept yawning and saying how tired I am and this friend told me I should probably see the doctor to get some meds for depression. I think she’s partially right.

I am depressed. I know how to tell the difference between fatigue in my body from medical issues like illness and fatigue from other issues, like anxiety or depression. I’m sure that what I’ve been experiencing is the latter. I’ve also been feeling like I could just start crying at the drop of a hat, but I’m not in a rush to go on meds.

I have strong feelings about SSRIs. In the past I’ve been on two different ones: one for treatment of anxiety and panic attacks, and the other for depression around the time when my marriage was dissolving. Both times I had to deal with side effects that were unwelcome and impacted my health in different ways. So when I say that I’m not up for trying another SSRI right now, that’s based on personal experience.

Besides, I wonder what is so bad about spending time with my feelings. Yes, I’m feeling dejection. Work has taken a really unhappy turn lately, and for the past year I’ve been struggling with a lot of health issues. But I just have to hang in there for a few more weeks.

I’m having surgery on September 21 that should put the diverticulitis issues behind me. There will be a break of at least 6 weeks from work to recover, and I can spend that time healing mentally, too. For now I’m trying to keep moving through the checklist of things that have to be done to prep for my medical leave.

But if anyone is still reading this and has some input on how to slog through a mild depressive episode, please share.

Laying low

Last week I learned that I had some significant challenges ahead of me at work. I’m apparently not on the “favorites” list of the new head of our unit, and it was hinted that I was lucky not to have been let go already.

Wow.

I spent the weekend in my den (house) licking my wounds and trying to recover. This is a big blow to me at a time when I’m already feeling very vulnerable.

In the past year, I’ve had major health challenges: multiple bouts of diverticulitis, hormonally induced fatigue and brain fog, incurable eye disease that impacts vision in one eye, and a cancer scare that resulted in major surgery. And I’m not done on the health front yet because I’ll be having another abdominal surgery in one month. (Which will hopefully eliminate the diverticulitis for good.)

My work/career hasn’t been getting enough attention from me in the past year. I know that and have had every intention of addressing the lack once I’m through the upcoming surgery. Apparently it’s not so much my actual performance that is the issue, though, as it is my lack of political savvy in the new business unit to which I was transferred last year as part of an internal reorganization.

I’m motivated to fix the situation, since I really like my company overall and it has been good to me. Not to mention I just bought a house and need a certain income level to make the payments. (Gulp!)

This state of affairs really blows away my financial reckoning in other ways, though. With this information in hand, I highly doubt I’ll see much of a raise or bonus. I’ll find out for sure at the end of next week.

Considering all the extra things I’ve had to pay for since moving into the house, not getting a decent bonus will be a blow to my budget. I was hoping that the bonus would cover most of my property tax bill this year.

Well, it’s a good thing I’m interviewing a potential housemate tonight. *sigh*

Home sweet home

The electrician left yesterday. Finally. This re-wire job had turned out to more than either of us bargained for. But isn’t that often the case with home projects? I hadn’t planned to be living in the house until he was done, but instead was moved on the 27th and had him work around me.

My project list for this house is surprisingly small compared to my last house. The roof was replaced two years ago and is in fine shape. Electrical was just replaced, although I may want to make a few more changes to it at some point. (Mainly splitting some outlets in the kitchen onto separate circuits, adding under cabinet lighting, and adding an outlet or two here and there.) Windows, doors, bathroom, kitchen, and floors were all recently replaced/updated/refinished. Appliances are recent and seem OK. Plumbing seems to be in good order, although I think the water pressure could be a little better. I may ask the plumber about that and see what she suggests.

The only infrastructure type project that needs attention is the landscaping and trees. I have several trees on this property, and a few of the mature ones are in need of serious pruning and help. I’m going to ask a friend who has a landscaping business to look at them and give me her opinion of whether I need to consult an arborist. I may also pay her to put together a landscaping plan. My front yard is a slab of lawn, and I really don’t care to water such useless vegetation. I doubt I could afford to actually put in new landscaping this year, but it would be good to get a plan together, nonetheless.

I think furnishings are going to be my next big expense. Window treatments are a must. I’ve put up tension rods with sheers in the living room, but am eager to get some real curtains in place so I feel less like an object on display at night. I’m awaiting the delivery of the curtain rods today, and hope to have the new handyman hang them tomorrow. I put up rods and black out drapes in my bedroom the weekend before I moved in, but I had to do more research into how to best cover the living room windows since the windows wrap around a corner.

I have enough furniture to live, but my bedroom is mostly empty. I had a small dresser that I’ve placed in the closet (just as I did in the rental house), but that’s all I’ve put in place. In the rental I also had a set of shelves in my bedroom, but I’m thinking I won’t set them up here. That means my large (12′ x 14′) room contains only my queen-sized bed and a nightstand right now. I can furnish it slowly as my budget allows.

I’m thinking of fully furnishing the second bedroom. That would attract housemates that are mainly trying to rent month by month for shorter periods of time, but that could work OK. (Harvest interns, families with visiting relatives, and traveling nurses don’t need year-round housing). For now, I’m not rushing into anything. As I thought about the housemate situation, I realized that it’s best to wait until after I have my colon surgery and have recovered sufficiently before taking on someone. Sister will travel here to be with me during the week after surgery, and I’d like her to have her own bedroom.

There are many consignment, thrift shops, and re-selling Facebook groups from which I can source the furniture and rugs I need or want. I think furnishing the house is going to be my next big budget item and project. What a fun one!