It’s been just a big ‘ol voyage of discovery for me lately. I’m still unemployed, and one of my biggest challenges is how much I like it.
Last week I had my last (hopefully) physical therapy appointment for my neck. I still get occasional, mild tingling/numbness in my right hand and arm, but it’s bearable. I’m accepting that my body has accumulated wear and tear, and that I likely will just have to get used to things like this happening now and then. I’m still going to PT for my ankle, but I’m hoping to wrap that up in the next few weeks, too.
My next physical milestone will be eye surgery #4 that is scheduled for September 17. The previous three surgeries and copious steroid drops I’ve had to use in my bad eye have accelerated cataract development. The eye docs both agree that the cataract is advanced enough to merit removal, although I could put it off for a bit longer. The uncertainty about my medical insurance makes me reluctant to wait, however. I know that I have this particular insurance plan through the end of the year and that I’m within $200 of my out-of-pocket maximum for the year. When I get a new job, my medical benefits may be different, and I may be forced to find new doctors. I’d much rather have one of the doctors I’ve been working with for the past three years do my surgery, so it makes financial and medical sense to do it now. I won’t need to go to San Francisco for this eye surgery, though. The local ophthalmologist is able to do this procedure, which makes the arrangements for transport much easier.
I’ve been counseled that removing the cataract may not make a big difference in my vision, though. What I perceive as cloudiness in my vision may or may not be due to the cataract. The local eye doc noted that I’ve lost quite a bit of vision due to the glaucoma, and the “cloudiness” could simply be my brain trying to fill in the gaps. I won’t know without the surgery, though, so it’s worth a try. The doctor also told me that there is a risk that my drainage device may stop working after the surgery. If that happens then I’ll have to have yet another surgery to add a new device. Despite these uncertainties, I still think it is worth the risks. After all, my only other choice is to just give up on trying to improve my vision, right?
Not working has also given me much more time to follow my thoughts and reflect on my emotions and reactions to situations and people. I feel like I’m making huge advances in understanding myself and trying to create new, positive neural pathways. Self-reflection was something I struggled with in the past; setting aside time for it just seemed like a luxury and a privilege I couldn’t afford. I’m practicing gratitude, making time for physical rest, and simply enjoying being in this time and place.
Summer is nearly over and I need to step up the job hunt, though. I think I’m ready for the challenge of keeping these good habits for my mental and physical well-being in balance while I’m working full-time. The voyage continues!