I’ve been spending a lot of time hiding inside my house lately. I still get out for knitting group once a week, and I’ve had some local excursions with friends here and there, but mostly I’ve been rationing my energy for the big eye surgery late last month.
Everything happened as planned and/or advised. My insurance company rejected the claim for the surgery, so I paid all the fees out-of-pocket. The costs I had to pick up not only included the surgeon’s fee, anesthesiologist’s fee, and the cost of the device, but also the post-op eye drops at the pharmacy. Thanks for really sticking it to me, healthcare plan! I hold out hope that with the device manufacturer and surgeon’s office continuing to pursue this I will eventually get reimbursed. In the meantime, my savings account is nearly $6,000 lower, BUT I will get cash rewards on the costs ’cause I used a credit card with a 1.5% reward on all purchases. #silverlining
Sadly (the crying and sobbing type of sadly), the procedure did not work for me. There were promising signs at first. The initial post-op visit the day after was good. The doctor was pleased with the pressure drop and he thought everything looked great. One week later I returned for another check. Again, we were really happy with the progress. The pressure had gone up to 16, which is in the desired range, and seems pretty normal for me. (My left eye — the unaffected one — usually has a pressure around there.)
But…but…this week I returned for another post op check and the news was not so good. The pressure was back up to 36, which is way above my target of 20 or less, and about where it was when I was initially diagnosed two years ago. The doctor did something very uncomfortable to my eye with a needle right there in the office (the eye was numbed, but I was still freaked out and required some literal hand-holding by staff), but that didn’t help one bit.
Now I am back on the glaucoma eye drops to bring the pressure down as much as possible. The doc says that I’ve formed a cyst that is preventing the current device from working properly. I’m just too “young and healthy,” as he says.
What’s next? Plan B is to have another surgery so the surgeon can implant yet another drainage device in my eye and remove as much scar tissue as possible.
There are some small mercies this time around. 1) The insurance company should not put up a fuss about paying for this device since it is older tech that’s been around for several years. 2) The surgeon had a cancellation on his calendar, so I won’t have to wait quite as long as he projected. Instead of a surgery date in October or November, I snagged a spot at the end of September.
What if this doesn’t work? I don’t know. There is nothing that can be done about the ICE Syndrome that caused the glaucoma. I don’t think there is any way of predicting how long it will take the glaucoma to progress to the extent I lose all vision in that eye, but that is the inevitable outcome of the disease.
I had all these thoughts that once I had my eye issue taken care of I could focus on getting rid of all the weight I’ve gained from forced inactivity the past couple years. There are no physical reasons I can’t go the gym and start making my body smaller and stronger. But there are other reasons why this isn’t happening for me right now. I’m sad and depressed. I need gentle encouragement, and a partner/friend who is similarly matched would help a lot. I simply don’t have anyone like that in my life right now, and I just can’t muster much energy to tackle that issue.
I can manage to keep most of my work commitments, feed myself and my dog, keep the house clean, and take care of my personal hygiene. Those are the only expectations I can place on myself right now.
So for now, my restorative self-care is mainly allowing myself plenty of naps, short walks with my dog, playing games with my dog at home, knitting and watching streaming entertainment, and reading when it doesn’t tire my eyes too much.