Yet another week

I stumbled through last week and then spent another weekend hanging around the house a lot. I’ve been really tired and lacking in energy lately, so taking naps has become an important part of my weekend.

Saturday morning I managed to make it to the local farmers market to fulfill my volunteer commitment with a local animal rescue charity. Then on Sunday I took Hannah dog out for a walk at a local park and ran a couple of errands.

One of the errands was a visit to store to get some furnishings for the extra bedroom. I took my old neighbor and friend along to get her out of the house for a bit. (She’s reovering from a hip replacement.) I kept yawning and saying how tired I am and this friend told me I should probably see the doctor to get some meds for depression. I think she’s partially right.

I am depressed. I know how to tell the difference between fatigue in my body from medical issues like illness and fatigue from other issues, like anxiety or depression. I’m sure that what I’ve been experiencing is the latter. I’ve also been feeling like I could just start crying at the drop of a hat, but I’m not in a rush to go on meds.

I have strong feelings about SSRIs. In the past I’ve been on two different ones: one for treatment of anxiety and panic attacks, and the other for depression around the time when my marriage was dissolving. Both times I had to deal with side effects that were unwelcome and impacted my health in different ways. So when I say that I’m not up for trying another SSRI right now, that’s based on personal experience.

Besides, I wonder what is so bad about spending time with my feelings. Yes, I’m feeling dejection. Work has taken a really unhappy turn lately, and for the past year I’ve been struggling with a lot of health issues. But I just have to hang in there for a few more weeks.

I’m having surgery on September 21 that should put the diverticulitis issues behind me. There will be a break of at least 6 weeks from work to recover, and I can spend that time healing mentally, too. For now I’m trying to keep moving through the checklist of things that have to be done to prep for my medical leave.

But if anyone is still reading this and has some input on how to slog through a mild depressive episode, please share.

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4 thoughts on “Yet another week

  1. You poor thing, I get it. I agree with staying away from depression meds and working through this on your own. You have been through so many stressful situations in the last year, I think it’s only natural that you are going to be a bit anxious and exhausted for a while.

    You are so intelligent and so capable of taking care of yourself, that I bet you will be fine. Try relaxation techniques like breathing exercises, journaling, walking, doing things that make you happy. And be very kind and gentle with yourself. Rest when you need to.

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  2. My old iPad wouldn’t let me finish my comment! I just wanted to add that I wish you the very best with your upcoming surgery. And thank you for your posts! I have loved reading about your adventures in California. Good luck, and feel better.

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  3. When I’ve had down days (and I know they are different than depression) – walking with some light music always made me feel better. The longer then walk, the better I felt. I hope your surgery goes well and I took SSRI’s once too. I know they helped, but I didn’t like how I felt on them either (side effects).

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  4. It’s been my life experience that you have to feel your feelings in order to get through them. I I believe that medicating them just lengthens the process, and I agree – the side effects suck. Talk therapy usually helps a really lot – is there a therapist there you can connect with? Breathing meditations might help, too – and exercise – something like yoga or tai chi.

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