Life songs

Yesterday I couldn’t help this song running through my head: “Beautiful, beautiful Copenhagen/Friendly old, friendly old girl…” Copenhagen is a fabulous city. I visited there in the early ’90s and would go back again lickity-split if given the chance.

Today, I started my day with a classic The The song running through my head “This is the day/your life will surely change…” Like many in Chicago, I thought we had a really good chance of winning the bid for the 2016 Olympics. What a huge disappointment that we were eliminated in the first round.

I know many people — including several of my friends — were opposed to hosting the Olympics here. And I was actually ambivalent about it for the most part. As a Chicago native, I get excited that anyone likes my city even a bit. We suffer an inferiority complex here in Chicago: we’re a fly-over city for the most part and are most well-known for brutal winters (not always true) and classic gangsters. So the idea of hosting such a prestigious international event makes me swell with pride, and judging from the reactions of my colleagues today, I’m not the only one.

Frankly, my first thought after I heard the judgment was: f*** the IOC. [Right, no song was running through my head then.] But, we’re pretty hardy folk, we Chicagoans. I heard one person say, “Chicago 2020!” We’ll see.

In my own personal domain, things are looking up. I’ve gotten eggs for 3 days in a row now, and got 2 eggs in one day on Wednesday. I think I can safely carry out my plans to bake this weekend. Hooray!

The dogs are doing well, the roommate experience is going well, and I am content. I had a couple opportunities to go out tonight, but I was just too exhausted at the thought. On the one hand, I think it’s good to have choices like that; on the other, I wonder if I’m actually a bit depressed.

After all, I don’t have to sit at home on a weekend evening, but here I am. I reassure myself that if I’m tired I should stay home, and with Ken Burns’ excellent National Parks series wrapping up tonight, I’m justified in gluing myself to the TV screen to take it all in.

Then there’s the other part of my brain that doubts my motivations. I keep saying I need to take a break from dating, but then I think: what am I hiding from? When I saw my therapist this week I talked to her about this conundrum and my belief that I’ve made consistently terrible choices in men over the years. As I listened to her point out that most of my examples were from when I was young and inexperienced or didn’t really represent horrible choices — just normal trial and error decisions — I have to realize that some of what I’m facing here is plain old fear and laziness.

Dating is scary because you have to be always on your game and in touch with your thoughts and feelings. That takes a lot of energy and attention to what is going on in your head.

What song matches that? I’m thinking it must be something by Leonard Cohen.

One thought on “Life songs

  1. A little time with yourself isn’t hiding. If, like me, you’re still ‘thinking’ six years later, ‘hiding’ might be a more appropriate term. Or, you just might be thinking really deep thoughts. : ) Seriously, a little light dating-coffee or something casual in a group-might be a little less stressful. And, um, I’m going to stick my nose out here and point out that ‘lazy’ might not be a word most people would choose to describe you.


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