Landing

I’ve returned to Chicago. My little fantasy trip ended a bit sooner than planned as my friend needed to get to Miami for business this afternoon on a 2 PM flight, while I had booked a flight for 5 PM.  So, we went to the airport together and I was able to get on an earlier flight to Miami myself, then was lucky to snag a stand by seat on an earlier flight to Chicago. I’m returned early and it all seems like a whirlwind.

My wonderful friends were here for me. Rachael had been watching my house for the past few days and Jamie came over, too. I had texted Rachael in advance that I was getting in early and she and Jamie put togehter a nice dinner for us all to share while I shared the details of my trip.

I’m sad to have left my friend behind as we had such a wonderful time together. He gave me the physical attention I’ve craved for years, and I don’t just mean sex. He loves to touch and be touched, and it was like I was a withered plant getting showered with cool water. It felt so good. It’s over now, though, and I’m sad about that.

On the packed flight back from Miami I went into the toilet at one point and found myself sobbing and sobbing. I just miss him terribly. I’ve known him for so many, many years but for whatever reasons we only had a short period of time where we were a dedicated couple. I can’t analyze the reasons why I ended up making a choice that would keep him away from me for so many years, and even if I could it wouldn’t change anything.

I am who I am today because of my marriage. At a certain point in my life I needed a partner to help me get through life as I changed careers, went to grad school, learned even more about myself through therapy. It had to happen.

I guess the sad thing to me now is: will I get another chance to see my friend again soon, or even have a fulfilling relationship with this friend, even if it is long distance? Can I handle it if I do?

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