Recollections and reflections

Over the past few days I’ve found myself avoiding my house. Mark has been on holiday from work for the past 2 weeks and it seems like all he does is sit in the dining room on his laptop or in front of his desktop downloading podcasts. He is constantly around, only occasionally leaving the house to go to the gym. It’s driving me nuts.

So, here I sit in a Panera sucking up free WiFi along with a coffee and dreading the eventual return home. It’s Saturday and I’m desperately hoping he will find some reason to leave the house because I just want to relax in my own home. By myself. Alone.

I’ve never had a problem living alone and I’m quite looking forward to it in many ways. It really irks me that I cannot get some space to myself for the foreseeable future; that I must continue to daily see and interact with this person who has betrayed my trust and caused me heartache. I think my lawyer must be sick of me asking over and over: when will this be over? By that I mean: when will I be able to stop sharing my living space with this traitor.

I spent yesterday afternoon and evening with Rachael just hanging out. We went to Andersonville and had a treat at one of the bakery cafes, visited a few shops, and then headed back to her place for a home cooked dinner and to watch Guillermo del Toro’s The Orphanage. (I think I have all the feeling back in my arm now; Rachael gets way too grabby during suspense/horror films!)

During the evening, I knit a dishcloth for my mom. This is the second one I’ve made her in just a few days and I will be making several more. It was quite embarrassing on Christmas day to see the state of the cloths she is using to wash her dishes. As a knitter, I just had to jump into action and so I’ve picked up a bunch of Lily Sugar n’ Cream and am completing a dishcloth a day.

It’s sort of like revisiting my single, pre-Mark years to be working on dishcloths again. When I first started knitting, I was frustrated by how long it took me to work on the sweater I so desperately wanted. So, Adrienne — the person who so competently taught me how to knit — suggested that I put the sweater down for a bit and try to knit a few discloths.

My first dishcloths seemed to go incredibly slowly, too. Like many new knitters I knit very, very tightly and at times had trouble even getting the needle into a stitch. So when I cast on for a dishcloth on new year’s eve at Adrienne’s house, I couldn’t help but be amazed at how much looser my gauge has become. It’s nice to see that some progress is being made in my life over the past few years. I’ve certainly become a much better knitter!

One of the things I’ve been doing today while sitting in this Panera is catching up on all the blogs I subscribe to in my Google Reader. There are some, like Lifehacker, which it seems I can never catch up with. But many of the blogs I read are ones written by just regular folks I’ve stumbed across somehow, like The Stitch Witch, or folks who are part of the knit-blogger community.

Crazy Aunt Purl may not write about knitting that much, but I’m finding that I can really, really relate to her these days, and her new year post is so outstanding. Go over there and read it.

I think her resolutions exactly fit me, too. I will listen to my instincts. I will try really hard to stop doubting myself so much. I will keep on a solid financial course. And, finally, I will TRAVEL! I am intrigued to travel to the following places and will find some way to do so in the next 3-5 years: Spain, Portugal, UK, Iceland, and Japan.

Iceland is supposed to be a fabulous deal now and I’ve always wanted to go on a horse-back riding trip there on those special Icelandic horses with a fifth gait. So, perhaps my first real action should be to sign up for horseback riding lessons to refresh my skills and get used to riding regularly. That would be a good first step towards what could be a summer trip to a land where the sun never sets in the warm months.

I’ve been feeling at loose ends since I’ve done all that I can do around the divorce proceedings, so having this new goal (become better at horsemanship) could be a very good thing for me. I think I’ll stop at a stable tomorrow and inquire about classes…

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3 thoughts on “Recollections and reflections

  1. The best thing about Crazy Aunt Purl is that she’s no crazier than the rest of us mere mortals. Her resolutions for the year are great and should I decide to go further than “eat dessert first”, I’m taking a cue from her.

    And Happy New Year! It sounds like you’re flourishing amongst a wonderful group of people while you wait for the end to finally arrive. You know, while it stinks that we’re too far apart to know each other in “real life”, it’s amazing that the internet allows us the chance to get to know people we’d otherwise never realize existed. Besides, there’s nothing I like more than telling people that I “know” a woman in Chicago who knits and raises chickens. You’re living the urban version of what I’d like to be doing 5 years from now.

    Be well!

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  2. Happy New Year, Linda!

    (If you find you’ve got several variations of the same comment from me, it’s cos I’ve already posted comments twice and they keep disappearing on me. Hmmm.)

    It sounds like you’re flourishing amongst a wonderful group of people whilst you’re awaiting the official end. For the 2 months I lived with my ex after I got my surprise(!) delivery of papers from the sheriff, I spent a great deal of time muttering “This too shall pass”. All I can say is that one fine day you’ll wake up and he’ll officially, legally, and gloriously be gone and regardless of what life throws at you from that moment on, you’ve got your life back and it’s wonderful.

    It stinks that we live so far apart (though you ought to know that while I don’t clutch, I do jump a lot during truly scary movies)but I think it’s great that we even have a chance to know each other in the first place. Without the internet, what are the odds I ever would have met the knitting Chicken Lady from Chicago, who minus the urban setting, is living pretty much as I’d like to 3 years from now?

    Be well!

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  3. Hey Linda,

    This is my fourth attempt to leave a comment on this post-not sure what’s happening but if a bunch of vaguely similar comments sudden show up, that’s why!

    Carzy Aunt Purl has some of the sanest goals I’ve seen. If I ever decide to move beyond eating dessert first, I’m hopping on board with you.

    The 8 weeks between I was served (wasn’t that a surprise!) and when I moved out found me muttering “this too shall pass” an awful lot. It sounds like you’ve got a solid support system of some wonderful people and that’s probably one of the best things anyone can have during a divorce. And it’s a pity we live so far apart, though it’s pretty amazing that the internet gives us an opportunity to know people we’d otherwise never meet. I mean, I love telling people that I know a knitter who’s raising chickens in Chicago and is basically living an urban version of what I’d like to be doing in another 3 years.

    Keep us posted on the horseback lessons and be well!

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