Swing high, swing low

Did I mention that getting divorced sucks? I think I did.

This past week was one of spectacularly low productivity on the work front, yet it’s been impressively high on the home front. I’m not certain why, but I am compelled to jump into homemaker role at this time.

I cook something nourishing and healthy nearly every night, and package it up in lunch-sized containers that I freeze to take to work. I then clean up the kitchen immediately afterwards so it’s nice and tidy. I’ve plowed through piles of personal mail that have accumulated over many weeks, filed stuff that likewise buried the top of my desk, cleaned closets, bagged up nearly all the leaves from the trees myself, and alsmost completed a winter retrofit for the Eglus and coop.

Whew! And still, I have the energy to get despondent over what is happening. I think I’ve been trying to avoid completing the atrocious Disclosure Statement (Pursuant to Rul 13.3.1 (b)) that is required in Cook County. This form is soul-killing. It makes you sum your entire marriage up into a set of numbers: furniture and appliance repair/replacement expenses, personal grooming expenses, clubs/social obligations/entertainment/ (including dining out) expenses, stock assets, bond assets, real property assets, etc., etc., etc.

After way too many hours working on this form, our first run through seems to conclude that we spend about $1,000 a month more than we bring in together. Which is just not correct. If it was, how is that we are able to save so much??? This is totally maddening in many ways.

So, I’ve had a weekend of highs and lows.

I spent yesterday not working at all on my personal business or my work. Instead, I went to Adrienne‘s with Jamie and Rachael where we also met up with Kris for a day of simple fun. We ate yummy food, knit or spun (depending on our personal inclinations and skills), and watched a fun Bollywood film.

And then today it was back to reality. Except for a brief excursion to let the chickens out in the early morning, I slept in. Then I got to work. Literally. I had several hours worth of work to do that had to be completed today. Then I moved on to the horrid forms. And then I had to take a break and do a bit of work outside, because I was starting to wig out on the stuff.

Cleaning the yard and chicken coop whilst weeping in despair really gets one nowhere. The chickens just don’t give a damn, and it really didn’t make me feel any better. I popped some Arnica, but these homeopathic remedies just don’t seem to work that well for me. I’m nearly ready to take a lovely Xanax instead.

I held off so I could be fairly alert for when Mark when returned to the house. Again, not that this was very productive, but I just had to tell him that he was totally fishing up my life (to borrow a turn of phrase from the Bollywood films…just look it up, OK?) and being a selfish bastard. That all of this was his fault. After all, I wasn’t the one who checked out of the relationship and gave up loving the other person. Of course he doesn’t see it that way. He said that’s my “story” and that I am equally at fault here.

Well, he can just go fish for all I care. Yeah, I know this isn’t the fun and informative blog anymore. But it’s me.

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2 thoughts on “Swing high, swing low

  1. I remember reading an article where the author was going through the exact same thing you are. She was talking on the phone with a male friend, lamenting and dreading working on them, when he told her to (in polite terms here) “Give him hell!”

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  2. I wanted to comment last week, but your situation is too close to mine right now. I sympathize and agree with the soul-sucking financial disclosure forms. I’m STILL not done with mine. I live in NW Indiana, small rural town where I teach HS. Two little boys are the loves of my life. Daddy bailed 2.5 years ago and only recently asked for divorce ‘cuz he’s in love with a 20 YR OLD EX STRIPPER WHO HAS ALREADY MET MY CHILDREN!!!!! Yeah, I feel your pain. If you want to talk you can find me at lizchatwell AT yahoo DOT com.

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