Well, I’ve put this off long enough, so here it goes…
I don’t usually write a lot of personal stuff on this blog, but that is about to change. I can choose to either not write about what’s been absorbing me so much lately and just not blog at all, or I can choose to spill it all here in writing. I choose the latter.
I’m getting divorced.
This saddens me deeply and angers me, too. We’ve been married 11 years and just passed our anniversary last month. We were trying to work through why we’ve been less loving with each other the past 2-3 years, but that work basically stopped earlier this year. Instead, my husband started remaking his life and turning even further away from me. He doesn’t want to work on our relationship anymore and he doesn’t love me anymore. So there’s really nothing for me to do about it except call a lawyer and start laying in the kleenex.
I have wonderful friends who have been helping me through this, but it is still very hard. I must continue to work (now more than ever I’ll need the income so I can try to pay the mortgage and all the bills myself), but I just get very sad at times and have trouble concentrating. I’m not getting enough sleep and consider myself lucky if I get more than 4 hours a night.
My life is changing profoundly. I tell myself it will be for the best, but that doesn’t help me in the here and now. At this point, I’d just like it over and done with, but it is just starting.
My lawyer advises that there is a possibility of having this all over with by the end of the year if we can both remain cordial, cooperative, and reasonable about dividing the property. So, that’s what I’m doing.
But this sucks.